Metamorphosis

Becoming a Butterfly

All my life I've felt like I don’t quite fit in. Like I’m out of step with the world I know, or belong to a different time or place. But maybe that’s secretly a good thing. I feel now, with our decision to leave what’s familiar and comfortable and make our own path that maybe I can discover who I really am. 

I grew up feeling like the caterpillar. Kind of odd, bumping along, just making it through while other creatures around me dazzled. As I grew into an adult, I wrapped myself in a nice cozy cocoon of my own design, and slept away. Not truly living, yet living life all the same. In that time, though, I have found myself shaking off my old skin and slowly transforming. Old ideas and patterns that were so comfortable have now become restrictive and no longer feel right. I am ready to emerge from my self-imposed cage and fly. 

Many, many months ago, as we were preparing to leave our home of nearly 12 years, I wrote that post.  Once written, I didn't have the confidence to publish it, but I've kept it all this time as a reminder.

I’d actually forgotten about it recently, but meeting and conversing with so many other families that travel full-time, while at the rally, brought it to mind. It was amazing to hear what drives other families to depart from a stationary home and embrace a mobile lifestyle. There are as many reasons as there are families, but they are all transformative. Those conversations made me realize that the metamorphosis I wrote about those months ago is happening. The signs are subtle, but real. It’s not finished, and frankly, I don’t think it will ever be complete (cause life it all about changes), but I no longer feel like that caterpillar.

I still have plenty of fears, and bad habits. I’m still a procrastinator, and am overly critical of myself (I still hate pictures of me!).  I still have a temper and tend to put myself last. But I am also less afraid to live, and realize that the way we live now has caused this. Our somewhat unconventional lifestyle has allowed me (us) to experience some of the beauty of the continent, meet amazing people, and take life as it comes, rather than waiting for life to find me. 

(edit: now that I've published this, I'm a bit embarrassed to have shared, but I will leave it be - changing it would defeat the purpose!) 

Side note: I love butterflies; the way they fly, their colors, the way they seem so free & floaty. I've had pictures of butterflies in my house for years, and the pictures came with us into the trailer. For some reason I hadn't managed to put them up. I finally got one up during the rally! Now to find a safe space to put up the other (It’s glass fronted with real butterflies – for now it lives in the glass front cupboards in my bedroom.).