So far, I've painted a fairly contended picture of our
travels. And often it is. Like this
afternoon when we went to Williamson Provincial Park, on Sturgeon Lake, just a
short drive west of Valleyview. The day
was overcast, but reasonably warm. There is a day use area with a boat launch,
playground and small beach. The water was clear and not too cold and aside from
a bit of goose poop, the beach had nice sand to play in. We brought our lunch
and all our beach toys and the kids had great fun making sand castles and
playing.
The sun came out a bit in the afternoon
to warm things up a bit more. The boat launch was very busy with traffic coming
and going constantly, and the small campground was full to bursting. Many families came to the beach to splash and
enjoy the day, which meant that my kids got to interact and play with other
kids. And practice their sharing skills. We left there in late afternoon and
headed back to Valleyview to find the Splash park (and wash off some of that
sand!). Morgan found the skate park nearby and took his scooter over. He wasn't very successful on the scooter
though and ended up just sliding down the ramps on his behind. Back home for supper (after sundaes at the
local Burger Baron – mmm, dessert first is always a good idea) and a quiet
evening. All in all, a good day. Well, except for the start of it.
Remember how I started this post? Sometimes it’s all happiness and rainbows,
and sometimes, well, sometimes it’s not. Bob and I work well and support each other as
a team when it really counts. But we also
have very differing ideas about how we want life to be and how things should
go, and neither of us is great at keeping our cool in the face of resistance.
At least with each other, we don’t. We butt heads over lots of things, and
often end up disagreeing – sometimes loudly. Being tired, stressed or feeling out
of our element makes it harder to stay calm when something doesn't go the way
we want it to. We don’t always communicate our expectations well either during those
times.
Those who know us well have seen this from us, and I’m sure
our neighbours have heard plenty. The great majority of it is just blowing off
frustration, but occasionally things get broken, like the door that was slammed
too hard this morning. Bob’s voice gets very loud and carries very far when he’s
frustrated. I’m sure mine carries just as well, and we both tend to
stomp around and sulk like two-year-olds. Not something I’m proud of. It is
behaviour I want to curb, not just for my own sake, but for the whole family. Our
children yell and argue and whine and persist because they have learned it from
their parents. Who are probably two of the most stubborn, pigheaded people on
the planet. All of that seems to have been magnified by living in 360 square
feet where it often feels like we’re piled on top of each other, with nowhere
to escape to. Last week was particularly trying, and I felt this theme of a
blog post coming on many times. But it’s a bit embarrassing to admit one's shortcomings, and put
it out there for anyone to read.
And frankly, I wouldn't, except it’s a part of who we are as
a family (at least right now it is), and this wouldn't be a true account of our
travels if we didn't acknowledge the bad along with the good. While I know we’re not the only family out there to who is
lacking in internal harmony, and our troubles are pretty minor in comparison to
what they could be, I’m not particularly happy with this part of our family
dynamic, especially at the moment.
Sticking ourselves in a box (literally!), living in closer
quarters all the time, downsizing to one vehicle, changing nearly all of our
routines, and leaving behind friends, family and the comfortable, familiar
environment we call Airdire has placed more stress on the family unit than we
all really understood would happen. The
children act out, we act out, and everyone gets a piece of the backlash. But
part of this journey, for me at least, is to break old patterns and create new
ones. Create a different kind of life. (Note, the overall point of this trip is one of those things Bob
and I disagree about. Somewhere along the way I can hope we find a middle
ground that allows us all to be content).
Despite all this doom and gloom talk, Bob and I are still
firmly on this journey – together. Sure,
we aren't always going to agree, and we’re only 4 weeks into this new life – still
finding the sharp edges and raw spots and trying to find our new groove. But
what keeps us going, and will keep us moving forward, is the knowledge that we
can do this. This journey will be an amazing
growing and learning experience. Disagreements and all.
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